


Only Fools Rush In

by victoria_p (musesfool)



Category: Captain America (2011), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Schmoop, Stealth Crossover, Weddings, insults as endearments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Captain America ends up married to Bucky Barnes, with Thor, prince of Asgard and god of thunder, as their witness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Fools Rush In

**Author's Note:**

> Angelgazing demanded a story where Steve and Bucky accidentally get married. I said, "you should totally write that." I don't know why I ever think that's going to work anymore. Title from Elvis.

Agent Hill has a desperate, harried look on her face that bodes ill for anyone who gets in her way. Unfortunately for Steve, he's the only one in the room at the moment, so he bears the full brunt of it.

"I need a favor," she says, and since she is armed and also a friend, he immediately says, "Okay."

Which is how he finds himself standing in the wedding chapel at City Hall half an hour later, being introduced to her fiancée, Diana, and promising not to lose the rings.

"My boss's wife is an event planner," Diana explains as she hands over two diamond-studded wedding bands, "and the whole thing was spiraling out of control."

"We just wanted something simple," Maria says.

"And legal."

The two women beam at each other. "That, too."

So Steve stands up for them. He hands the rings over when the time comes, gives them both hugs and kisses, when the minister pronounces them married, and signs the paperwork with a flourish. The minister's eyes widen a little when she sees his name, and she says, "I'm so pleased to see you here, Captain Rogers. You know you're an icon in the gay community."

Steve looks over at Maria, who nods. "You know us lesbians love a man in a uniform." Despite the facetious tone, she's smiling more brightly than he's ever seen her smile, and she says, "If anyone's looking for me, tell them I'm on my honeymoon."

"Good luck," he says, so pleased for her that he doesn't even flinch at the revelation that he's the one who'll be breaking the news to Fury and Coulson. "Congratulations."

And then she and Diana are gone. Steve turns to the minister. "Are there other couples who need a witness?"

Which is how he ends up spending the morning attending the weddings of various New York City couples. He smiles and shakes hands and offers his sincere congratulations, and even manages to take pictures for some of them that don't include his thumb.

Of course they blog and text and tweet about it, which leads to an unexpectedly long line at the chapel. And, of course, a growing cadre of paparazzi on the steps of City Hall.

"I don't want to turn your wedding into a circus," he tells one pair of young men.

"Don't worry," the minister says. "The reporters can't come in without permission."

"And we're honored to have you here," one of the men says. "I work for a tech company now, but I served in Iraq, and Hector is an EMT."

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long for this day," Steve says, shaking his hand with a smile, "but I'm glad I get to be a part of it."

The day speeds by in a blur of smiling faces and hugs, and Steve feels like he's actually contributing to building something good with his presence (and his signature) instead of his fists or his shield or his sidearm. He fields teasing texts from various team members and Bucky promises to pick him up at three so they can make it to Citi Field for the four-oh-five start of the Mets game.

Bucky shows up early, with Thor in tow, and there's no keeping the reporters out now. They trail after Thor in bemused amazement that he takes as his due.

"I am honored to stand up for you, Steven, but did you not invite the rest of the team?" Thor asks after glancing around the chapel and declaring it acceptable. 

Steve looks at Bucky, who shrugs. 

The minister joins them then. "Is this your young man?" she asks Steve with a sly grin. "Are you sure you still want to go through with it after he kept you waiting all day?"

"Hey," Bucky says. "I was actually working."

"I waited seventy years for this guy," Steve says, jerking his thumb at Bucky, rapidly forming a wonderful, terrible plan. "A few more hours doesn't really matter."

The minister's smile widens and one of the reporters calls out, "That's so sweet. Bucky, how do you feel about marrying Captain America?"

"I've lived with the guy most of my life," Bucky answers with a wicked grin. "Might as well make an honest man of him." He slaps Steve's rear end and Steve jumps and squeaks in shock. Luckily, everyone seems to find it endearing. "The uniform doesn't hurt either." He leans in close and mutters in Steve's ear, "I never backed down from a dare in my life, Rogers, and I'm not about to start now." 

Which is how Captain America ends up married to Bucky Barnes, with Thor, prince of Asgard and god of thunder, as their witness.

Bucky holds Steve's gaze through the whole ceremony, and doesn't falter as he repeats his vows, and Steve's voice is strong and sure when he says, "I do." He's never meant anything more in his life.

When the minister says, "You may kiss your husband," Steve isn't sure what's going to happen, but then Bucky hauls him in and plants one on him. It starts out as kind of a joke, but Bucky's lips are warm and soft, and his tongue pushes into Steve's mouth to touch Steve's tongue, and it's all Steve can do to keep standing. Bucky pulls away then, looking a little dazed, but there's no time to discuss it, because the reporters are cheering and Thor is pounding them both on the back in congratulations. Steve doesn't ask where the rings came from; later, he discovers that Thor made Bucky stop at a jewelry store to pick them out, because Thor believes in doing things right. 

"It's gonna be some wedding night," Bucky murmurs as they run the gauntlet of cameras on the City Hall Steps.

Steve feels like he might never stop grinning. "I can't wait. Jerk."

"Punk." Bucky kisses him again for the cameras, and that's the shot that makes the front page of the papers in the morning.

*

Epilogue

Steve wouldn't say they're hiding in his room--they've been having all the sex they should have been having for the past however many years, except for how they were both too stupid to realize they were actually in love--but he's not looking forward to the teasing.

Tony just laughs and laughs and offers to throw them a party. "I'm hurt you didn't invite me to your secret elopement," he says, hand over his arc reactor as he toasts them with expensive champagne. "Pepper's sorry she missed it. She loves a good wedding. She cries and throws birdseed and everything."

Pepper's smile is warm and bright. "Congratulations," she says. "I'm so happy for you. At least let us throw you a reception. You can wear tuxes."

"Mm, yes," Natasha says. (Two days later, they receive a box of sex toys, and Steve blushes every time he sees her for a week. Bucky is much more detailed in his gratitude.)

"It was a simple ceremony," Thor says, "made all the more solemn by the great honor of the men being bound. Truly, I wish you all could have been there, but I feel I represented both Asgard and the Avengers well in my capacity as best man. Epics will be composed of their love for each other, and we will sing them at table in Asgard when next we visit." 

Steve twists his brand new wedding ring around his finger and makes a mental note to never, ever have dinner in Asgard.

"For those of you who missed the festivities, Coulson had a video made," Darcy says. "Jarvis, hit it."

The sounds of "Can't Help Falling in Love" play over the speakers as the black and white security footage of the wedding appears on the giant TV screen.

Steve is surprised at how intent Bucky looks, and how easily he can see the love shining in his face now that he knows how to look. He glances over to find Bucky watching him with a small smile on his face. 

Tony starts clinking his glass and the others pick it up, so Steve does what he was going to do anyway and leans over to kiss Bucky. Everything else--Elvis's singing, the tinkling sound of glass--disappears in the roar of blood in Steve's ears. He pulls back reluctantly and can see the goofy smile on his face reflected on Bucky's. He's going to kiss him again when Clint whoops. He and Bruce come into the living room carrying a giant layer cake with a Captain America and a Bucky action figure posed on top.

"You made a cake," Bucky says.

"I can see why you're such a valuable spy," Clint answers. "You have excellent skills at stating the obvious. Bruce made the cake. I provided the action figures."

"Can we keep them?" Bucky asks, plucking them from the top of the cake. 

Bruce grins. "Consider them a wedding gift." Clint looks like he wants to argue but subsides with a muttered, "Those are _collectibles_ ," when Bruce nudges him in the ribs.

"Thank you," Steve says, and he means for the action figures, but also for everything else. "Thank you so much." He can't stop smiling.

Darcy starts singing, "The groom cuts the cake, the groom cuts the cake," and Bruce hands Steve a knife. Bucky curls his fingers around Steve's and together they cut their wedding cake.

end

**Author's Note:**

> You can't actually get married in NYS without a marriage license, and you're required to wait 24 hours after getting the license to get married, to prevent hasty and ill-thought-out plans like this one. But we'll pretend that isn't true for this story.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Only Fools Rush In](https://archiveofourown.org/works/556539) by [sisi_rambles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisi_rambles/pseuds/sisi_rambles), [victoria_p (musesfool)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/musesfool/pseuds/victoria_p)




End file.
